Workplace Fashion Faux-Pas
Mobile phone belt clips…
Who do you think you are? John Wayne?
Oh….. you do.
Well, ah hate ta break t’ya, son, but chu ain’t ever gone be no cowboy. Not even with 3 mobile phones riding your waist.
And with the ear piece you have on, you look like a wanna-be Neo/wanna-be John Wayne/gotta-be-a-loser on Britain’s Got Talent.
Off. Off. Off. Off.
Disney ties…
It’s been *scientifically-proven that men who wear Disney ties were dropped on their heads as children. So, this particular fashion faux-pas IS NOT THEIR FAULT, PEOPLE. Blame Mother.
I’ve written a song for these special, special people:
When you see a guy in a Disney tie
Retract the ‘tut, tuts’, the rolling of the eyes.
Seek within for the love you can give
Paris. Hilton. Elvis. Quiff
(*kinda, sorta. They make great lovers, too.)
Too much make-up…
I can’t see your face, dah-ling. Where’s it gone? Somewhere over the rainbow, you say.
Ha. Very funny.
NOT.
Thanks to the Hansel & Gretel trail you leave in your wake, I know where you live.
Nice flat.
Football t-shirts…
This is obviously a cry for help. Or an invitation to cry along with him. Or both.
The only time you should ever wear a football t-shirt into work is ….well…never.
Not even then.
(p.s: wearing a footie tee under your work shirt is a big no-no, too. DON’T DO IT. Just don’t. I love you too much to KICK YOUR ASS. But I will. If I have to. For the greater good. Queen and Country.)
White socks…
White socks only suit Michael Jackson.
And look what happened to him.
I think there should be a new generation of technically buffed-up, fashion-conscious white socks that are able to scan what a person’s wearing. If the wearer has office drags on, they’d give off a high-pitched Celine Dion shrill. That should do the trick.
But pray, what if the sock offender is a Celine Dion fan?
Then, that’s two offences. Their punishment: her album played backwards. That’s enough to drive anyone crazy.
High-heels…
If a gorgeous pair of Jimmy Choos makes you feel 10 feet tall, then…erm…that’s because they DO make you feel 10 feet tall.
If your head’s touching the ceiling, like you’re in frikkin Alice in Wonderland, then LOSE THE SHOES, PRONTO.
Tone it down to 2-3 inches max. Any higher, then I suggest you join the circus as a stilt walker.
‘Off the mark’ colours…
My eyes, My eyes. I can’t see, Mama, I can’t see.
Uh, oh – it’s neon blue today. Where’s my sunglasses?
If a hot-pink work shirt or tie makes you look like a frikkin anaemic human firefly, then pur-lease put me out of my misery, pretend you’re a stripper and take it off NOW.
(Another damn trip to the optician’s thanks to you. You’re lucky my healthcare covers it. Grrr.)
Image Credits
(img credit: freeparking)
(img credit: cote)
(img credit: Mel B)
(img credit: BC Mom)
(img credit: Xenia Antunes)
(img credit: Katie Tegtmeyer )
(img credit: Malias)