Whether you’re dressed in Peacocks or Prada, your clothes – and you – will only look their best if you’re wearing the right underwear. Follow the five golden rules, and you’ll never go wrong.
• Never wear white underwear under white clothes – it always shows through. Instead, choose flesh tones, so the lines of your underwear disappear against your skin.
• Please, please don’t ever wear those plastic bra straps. They might be transparent, but they’re far from invisible. If you don’t like wearing a strapless bra, arm yourself with the stylists’ secret weapon, double-sided clothes tape (available from department stores). When you want to wear a strappy top or dress, just use the tape to attach its straps to your bra straps, so they don’t slide out.
• Never wear a lace-trimmed bra under a T-shirt or any kind of clingy, stretchy top; they’ll completely ruin the line of the top, and make it look cheap. Moulded bras (often sold as T-shirt bras) are the way to go here. They give a great shape and a nice smooth line, and you don’t have to worry about your nipples showing through.
• Thongs are often recommended as the best way to banish the dreaded VPL, but if you don’t find them comfortable, go for seamless ‘boy shorts’, cut straight across the leg. They work just as well, skim over any cellulite, and are a whole lot more comfy.
• A stretchy, flesh-coloured camisole top is the easy solution to tops that are a bit see-through, and knits with a big, open texture.

Want to make your clothes budget stretch a little bit further? The secret is knowing which bits of your wardrobe are worth spending money on, and where you can safely snap up a bargain. So if you’re starting to think about new clothes for  summer, commit these rules to memory, and you won’t go far wrong.

When to splurge
Jacket: Even with global warming, it’s rare that you can rely on day-long T-shirt weather during the British summer, so it’s worth spending a bit on a well-cut jacket, in a neutral colour. A really good one will make every outfit look fantastic.
Trousers: If you can find cheap trousers that flatter you, you’re a very lucky woman. Most of the cheaper High Street stores seem to cut for 12 year olds with no hips, and if trousers don’t fit and hang well, they’re not worth buying. So unless you happen to have the figure of a 12 year old with no hips, better to invest in one beautifully cut pair, in a good quality fabric, than six cheap ones you’ll never really feel comfortable in.
Jeans: Again, fit and cut are everything, and jeans are so versatile that it’s worth splashing out on a really fabulous pair that you’ll want to wear all the time.
Swimwear: If you’re going to be wearing something every day of your holiday, it deserves to be something fabulous. Paying a bit extra also means you’re less likely to find yourself in a row of 20 identical bikinis on the beach.
Bras: Lighter, skimpier clothes mean your shape’s more on show during the summer, so invest in a good, professionally fitted bra or two. With the right bra, you can look 5-10lbs lighter, and it’ll make even the cheapest T-shirt or sundress look ten times better.

When to save
Mac: A light mac is a great standby for drizzly days. You could splash out a couple of hundred pounds on a classic design that’ll last for ever, but though they’ll never date, they won’t exactly update your look either. Head for the High Street, and you can pick up a great mac with this season’s details for about £60. It’ll give your summer wardrobe an instant update, and at that price, it doesn’t have to last forever.
T-shirts: Every summer, magazines run ‘tried and tested features on the classic white T-shirt, and I’ve never yet seen one where the most expensive brands came out on top, especially after washing. The most important thing is to get a good fit for your shape, and you’re as likely to find that for £5 as for £50.
Sandals: Winter boots and shoes are worth splashing out on, because they’re usually styles that last from year to year, but sandals should be a fun, frivolous, one-season wonder. Try Primark and New Look for designer-inspired styles that are so cheap, you’ll want to buy one in every colour.
Bags: When it comes to leather, quality talks, but once the weather warms up, it’s nice to swap to light, summery straw and fabric bags, and that means you can get away with paying a lot less. Accessorize has a great selection, or check out the local markets when you go on holiday.

Mobile phone belt clips…

Who do you think you are? John Wayne?

Oh….. you do.

Well, ah hate ta break t’ya, son, but chu ain’t ever gone be no cowboy. Not even with 3 mobile phones riding your waist.

And with the ear piece you have on, you look like a wanna-be Neo/wanna-be John Wayne/gotta-be-a-loser on Britain’s Got Talent.

Off. Off. Off. Off.

Disney ties…

It’s been *scientifically-proven that men who wear Disney ties were dropped on their heads as children. So, this particular fashion faux-pas IS NOT THEIR FAULT, PEOPLE. Blame Mother.

I’ve written a song for these special, special people:

When you see a guy in a Disney tie
Retract the ‘tut, tuts’, the rolling of the eyes.
Seek within for the love you can give
Paris. Hilton. Elvis. Quiff
(*kinda, sorta. They make great lovers, too.)

Too much make-up…

I can’t see your face, dah-ling. Where’s it gone? Somewhere over the rainbow, you say.

Ha. Very funny.
NOT.
Thanks to the Hansel & Gretel trail you leave in your wake, I know where you live.

Nice flat.

Football t-shirts…

This is obviously a cry for help. Or an invitation to cry along with him. Or both.

The only time you should ever wear a football t-shirt into work is ….well…never.

Not even then.

(p.s: wearing a footie tee under your work shirt is a big no-no, too. DON’T DO IT. Just don’t. I love you too much to KICK YOUR ASS. But I will. If I have to. For the greater good. Queen and Country.)

White socks…

White socks only suit Michael Jackson.
And look what happened to him.

I think there should be a new generation of technically buffed-up, fashion-conscious white socks that are able to scan what a person’s wearing. If the wearer has office drags on, they’d give off a high-pitched Celine Dion shrill. That should do the trick.

But pray, what if the sock offender is a Celine Dion fan?

Then, that’s two offences. Their punishment: her album played backwards. That’s enough to drive anyone crazy.

High-heels…

If a gorgeous pair of Jimmy Choos makes you feel 10 feet tall, then…erm…that’s because they DO make you feel 10 feet tall.

If your head’s touching the ceiling, like you’re in frikkin Alice in Wonderland, then LOSE THE SHOES, PRONTO.

Tone it down to 2-3 inches max. Any higher, then I suggest you join the circus as a stilt walker.

‘Off the mark’ colours…

My eyes, My eyes. I can’t see, Mama, I can’t see.

Uh, oh – it’s neon blue today. Where’s my sunglasses?

If a hot-pink work shirt or tie makes you look like a frikkin anaemic human firefly, then pur-lease put me out of my misery, pretend you’re a stripper and take it off NOW.

(Another damn trip to the optician’s thanks to you. You’re lucky my healthcare covers it. Grrr.)

Image Credits
(img credit: freeparking)
(img credit: cote)
(img credit: Mel B)
(img credit: BC Mom)
(img credit: Xenia Antunes)
(img credit: Katie Tegtmeyer )
(img credit: Malias)